These three couples have stuck together through the toughest of circumstances. Source: ThinkStock
IN MARCH, Newcastle Knights footballer Alex McKinnon suffered a horrific spinal injury during play.
After he announced his engagement to his girlfriend Teigan Power from his hospital bed, we spoke to three couples whose shared experience of illness made their love grow stronger.
LOVE ON A COLLISION COURSE
When Luci Canning, now 34 and a stay-at-home mum from Caboolture, Queensland, had a life-changing car accident, her childhood sweetheart, Andrew, 34, was in it for the long haul.
Luci and Andrew with their daughter Hayley. Source: Supplied
"Andrew and I were inseparable in kindergarten and even held a mock wedding at Echuca Primary School in Victoria. Then I changed schools and didn't see him until high school. After I moved to Queensland, we lost touch until Andrew added a sentence to the end of a letter of a mutual friend I was corresponding with. We began writing to each other, which progressed into nightly phone calls where we'd crack each other up. It was the stirring of first love.
In late 1998, Andrew planned to visit me in Queensland the following January. I was 18.
In November 1998, I had a devastating car accident. I had a smashed hip, a broken pelvis and a serious brain injury that left me in a coma for nine weeks. Andrew kept his promise and spent his holidays at the hospital, as I lay bedridden, bald and dribbling.
As I began to heal, Andrew stayed incontact. His sense of humour lifted my spirits when life felt nigh on impossible. I fell in love with his gentle, caring nature. He moved to Queensland at Christmas in 2000, and in 2001 we got engaged and moved in together.
I was in a wheelchair for the first four years after my accident, so Andrew had to care for me and take on the cooking and housework.
It was confronting to be so dependent, but he never made me feel anything but loved.
We were married in 2002, and two years later our beautiful daughter, Hayley, came along to complete our little family. We're an incredibly close unit and the best of friends.
Love means knowing that we'll be there for each other forever, no matter what. Andrew has already proven that."
Andrew:
"I called Luci the night she had her accident. When I was told she was in a coma and not responding, it was scary. Yet I wanted to be there for her — I couldn't just walk away. You stick by your friends. But I had feelings for her, too — they didn't just evaporate.
So I went up to Queensland as planned, not knowing what to expect. Luci was in a very bad way.
I felt so sorry for her, but I also had a firm belief she'd get better. And she did. Luci fought every inch of the way until she could walk with a cane.
When we decided to move in together, her parents took me aside and asked me if I knew what I was taking on. I did and I wanted to, because I loved her.
I asked Luci to marry me on the Echuca paddlesteamer during a visit to the town where we grew up. When she said yes, it was as if we'd come full circle. I've never regretted it for a second. We have our ups and downs, but our marriage is a happy one. You can't ask for more than that."
LOVE WITH UNCERTAINTY
Acting school principal from Victoria, Cory Pearce, now 37, was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at the age of 25, a year into his marriage to Tanya, now 42, a sales consultant.
Cory and Tanya with their son. Source: Supplied
Cory:
"From the moment I saw Tanya at a Melbourne nightclub in 1997, I was attracted to her confidence. When we started talking, there was an easy familiarity between us. After four years together, we got engaged.
Six months before our wedding in 2002, I thought I might have strained a muscle in my left eye. It became progressively worse, until I couldn't see a thing. I was diagnosed with optic neuritis, an inflammation of the optic nerve, which is a common precursor to MS. Thankfully, my eyesight almost completely returned.
We married in September, hoping the worst was behind us.
But when we should have been celebrating our first wedding anniversary, the optic neuritis returned in my right eye and I was diagnosed with MS. As a young married guy, it was confronting. It came at the time of life when I was trying to wrestle with the world — starting my marriage, buying a house and wanting to have a family. Suddenly my body was telling me I didn't have control over it.
The most frightening thing for both of us was the perception of what would follow: a steady decline, resulting in the need for a wheelchair and around-the-clock care.
However, what I've learned over the past 12 years is, it's not the reality for everybody.
I have relapsing-remitting MS, which means after a relapse, I am physically worse off.
The worst part is not knowing how the disease will manifest, and worrying if it's ever going to get so bad that I'll be fully dependent on Tanya. I hate the thought of it. We know that time could come at any point.
And yet we rarely talk about what it could mean for the future. Maybe it's a form of denial? I don't tell her when I'm having symptoms. I hide them, as if I'm putting a block between her and my MS.
I have refused to be defined by my illness. You can't live your life asking 'What if?' From the outset, I didn't abandon future plans. We have to live for the now, especially for our son, Sasha, eight. We're involved in fundraising for Foundation 5 Million Plus (f5mplus.org.au), which focuses on trying to find a cure. We remain positive."
Tanya:
"There was never any question we wouldn't get married. I loved Cory, whatever the future held. When the MS diagnosis eventually came, I remember sitting on a park bench outside of the hospital, bawling my eyes out, thinking, 'Why him? Why now?' But I wasn't crying for the future, I was crying for Cory and how unfair it was.
To be honest, he handles it better than I ever could. If it were me, I'd have curled up into a ball and shut-out the world, but Cory is blessed with a positive attitude, so there has never been an iota of self-pity. He is strong for the both of us. That is his nature. I'm a natural-born worrier, but I keep my concerns to myself. I'm constantly amazed by the way he handles the stresses of work and his illness. Every month he has to go to hospital and have drugs pumped into him to keep his MS under control. Sometimes it's hard to know how to support him.
We have been living with the shadow of MS for a long time now, and we hear stories of people waking up paralysed and unable to get out of bed. There is that worry, but we'll manage as a couple, whatever happens."
LOVE AT YOUR MOST VULNERABLE
Four months after Kelly Roberts, 34, a social-media consultant from Sydney, started dating Jiva Berry, 42, a systems administrator, she developed a string of viral infections that left her bedridden.
Kelly and Jiva. Source: Supplied
Kelly:
I was juggling two stressful jobs that were consuming my life, leaving no room for a relationship. So when my friend said I had to meet this amazing guy, Jiva, I didn't take any notice. 'Like-minded' was what she said. Months later, in January 2010, we were finally introduced at a yoga event. Heidi was right! Sparks few and it felt as if we'd known
each other forever. The next three months were blissful as we fell deeply in love.
Then in April, as work became almost unbearable, I developed what I thought was a throat infection that I couldn't shake. It grew worse until I couldn't get out of bed. I was diagnosed with glandular fever, which developed into viral hepatitis and, later, chronic fatigue syndrome. It was the sickest I'd ever been in my life.
Despite this, Jiva didn't pull back. Instead, he was there for me — bringing me food, medication, supplements and taking me to my medical appointments. When my housemate announced she was going overseas, Jiva suggested I stay with him. I had concerns about the pressure this would place on such a new relationship, plus the guilt of having to rely on him, but I was so grateful
he cared enough to want to look after me. I moved in with him one afternoon and never left. Jiva took care of me physically, as well as emotionally. I'd always been fiercely independent, and to relinquish control was challenging. This dynamic changed in our relationship. I had to learn to be dependent.
I'd never experienced being loved like that. Jiva loved me at my worst and saw me at my most vulnerable, yet he was prepared to stick around. That is a measure of a special man.
I was in bed for three months. It's been a slow recovery back to health over the past four years. My illness required us to allow a greater emotional intimacy into our lives, to really be who we are, which deepened our relationship. I don't know how I would have done it without him."
Jiva:
"When Kelly and I met, there was an immediate connection. I knew I could envisage my future with her in it, so when she needed my help, there was never any question. I cared enough about her to want to be there. I went to doctors, pathologists and specialists with her, to support her and understand what she was experiencing.
Her illness escalated our relationship pretty quickly and we discovered things about each other that may have taken other couples years to find out.
Kelly went through a lot emotionally, as her illness unravelled her. Instead of enjoying the first flushes of love, we were dealing with pain and suffering, and tears and frustration.
Kelly's illness changed both of our lives. Not only did I have to do everything for her, I also had to change my open-door policy at home — I was used to having friends drop in, but that didn't work when Kelly was so ill. It was challenging for us both to adapt to being around each all of the time.
We learned very quickly that we needed to communicate exactly what was going on for us. Now our relationship is based on great companionship, support and understanding.
There's a sense of security knowing we've got each other's backs, no matter what. Illness wasn't exactly a welcome arrival in our relationship, but we both feel grateful for all it has taught us, individually, and as a couple."
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